Written by Malia Bell, Youth Educator

As the world begins to bloom, with color returning to our sidewalks, gardens, and parks, spring is a natural time to reset. While we often think about spring cleaning in our homes, this season also offers a chance to reexamine our inner lives. It is an opportunity to check in on our habits, mental and physical health, and the ways we show up for other people. This year, one of the most meaningful areas for growth might not be visible at all: our social connections.

 If you have ever felt overwhelmed as a parent or like you’re not doing it the “right” way, you are not alone! Parenting can be extremely isolating, as much of your time is allotted to supporting your kids and family. Simply knowing that you have extra support if you need it can make these moments of overwhelm feel less isolating. 

Beyond just feeling less alone, building up your social “bank,” so to speak, can also lessen the load of parenting in a practical way. Having other people around to help out with rides, meals, childcare, and even just someone to vent to can boost your family’s functioning significantly. In short, social connections act as a buffer against stress and crisis.

Not all connections are the same, and that is okay! There is a difference between everyday connections (like neighbors, other parents at school, and community members) and deeper relationships. While it is important to have relationships where you feel safe to ask for help, all of these connections matter. The key is being able to recognize and understand the different types of relationships you have.

You might trust your neighbor to water your plants while you’re away, but may not feel comfortable talking to them about your child’s mental health struggles. On the other hand, you may have very close friendships with people you do feel comfortable sharing this information with. There are also situations, like support groups, where you might share personal things with people you’re not actually that close to. Even though shared spaces and experiences can create a feeling of closeness, someone might still want to set boundaries around these people in their day-to-day lives. This is because feeling connected doesn’t always mean you truly know or trust someone yet.

So, how do we measure trustworthiness? To become trusted in people’s circles, you first have to show that you are trustworthy. The reverse is true as well. Trust builds trust. Some people are naturally open and feel comfortable sharing a lot with many people, for these individuals it may be important to practice setting boundaries and taking the time to see if others have earned a higher level of trust before sharing certain information. On the flip side, for people who tend to keep everything to themselves, sharing more of themselves can be incredibly helpful in building a trusting relationship.

Okay, we’ve covered why building social connections is important, and acknowledged that different relationships will have different levels of trust. Now you may be wondering “how do I actually build stronger social connections?”

Making friends as an adult is HARD. Especially as a parent or caregiver, your energy is frequently stretched, and putting yourself out there can be incredibly uncomfortable. The key here is to remember that you aren’t trying to become the “most popular kid at school”, but instead are trying to take small steps toward building one new connection OR strengthening the connections you already have. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the idea of making new friends, here are some places to start:

1. Text one person this week. This could be a friend you feel close to but haven’t seen in a while, someone who lives states away and you have lost touch with, or someone you simply would like to get to know better. There is no harm in reaching out. Most people want social connections just as much as you do.
2. Join in! Think of activities you and your family enjoy; chances are there is a community group or event geared towards that activity. Love reading? See if there are any youth reading events at the library! More of an outdoorsy family? Check out the Ithaca Children’s Garden. Joining community groups and events can help to connect you to other families and caregivers in the area. There will be some more ideas and resources linked at the end of this article.
3. Accept help when it is offered to you. This is admittedly more difficult, especially for people who value independence and self-sufficiency. But, accepting help when it is offered can facilitate deeper connections with the people in your life. As a bonus, accepting help can also boost two other protective factors: parental resilience and concrete support in times of need.
4. Check in on another caregiver. Helping someone else can be incredibly powerful and can even make you feel happier. Checking in on another parent or caregiver allows for deeper bonds to form, as well as contributes to a community where people are helping each other, which is incredibly powerful when trying to prevent child abuse. The closer to the community you are and the closer the community is in general, the more people are looking out for you and your children and vice versa.

Just like plants need sunlight, water, and care, people need connection to thrive. This spring, growth doesn’t have to mean doing everything differently. It can be as simple as reaching out, accepting support, or showing up for someone else. Small moments of connection can grow into something strong enough to support an entire family.

Where to find upcoming events:

1. https://www.eventbrite.com/d/ny–ithaca/free–events/kids-events/?msockid=23c39358e3406108199e8465e23e60c0&page=1
2. https://www.ithaca.com/calendar/#!/
3. https://www.tompkinsweekly.com/sections/events
4. https://www.tompkinscountyny.gov/All-Departments/Planning-and-Sustainability/Tourism/Events

Family friendly organizations and places to visit:

1. https://www.ithacayouthbureau.org/
   • The Ithaca Youth Bureau offers scholarships for many of their programs and camps!
2. https://www.ithacachildrensgarden.org/visit-the-garden/
3. https://sciencenter.org/
4. https://hiiker.app/hikes/new-york/tompkins-county/family-friendly
5. https://www.tcpl.org/book-clubs
6. https://www.facebook.com/FamilyReadingPartnership/
7. https://cornellbotanicgardens.org/visit/plan-your-visit
8. https://www.museumoftheearth.org/